admitting it is half the battle...

   Denial is no longer an option. I am about to do something that is already making my stomach hurt before I even get it typed...

   Hello, my name is Lisa and I am over weight. THERE! I did it. I said it out loud, or at least hit the keys really hard when I typed it. My weight and I have been at war for years. People always said the older you get the harder it is. Well, they weren't lying. For women is even a little more of a challenge cause of all the hormonal changes we experience as we age. So, being lazy about it up until now and finally deciding to get serious now that I am 38, wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. It is what it is though, so now I am stepping out of my comfort zone and making this happen no matter how hard it is going to be. And, trust me, it is going to be hard. I am a whiner when it comes to diet and exercise. If you have ever worked out with me, you know what I am talking about. I feel the need to let every whinny thought that enters my head out of my mouth when I am at the gym. i. e.: 'who in the world can stay on an elliptical for more than 2 minutes and why are my legs on fire already?!' or 'What is that pregnant woman trying to prove on that stair climber?! We see you lady, you're a rock star, now go home and eat some cheese like you're supposed to do when you are pregnant!' I think you get the idea. It brings out the meanness in me.

   My family tries to help, but it just doesn't work. My sister just wants me to feel good about myself no matter what size I am. You know the type, when you say what size you are they respond with the typical, 'No way! You DO NOT look that big!'  Then there is my husband. He can't figure out the right thing to say even if I write it down for him. If I say I am so sick and tired of none of my clothes fitting, he will say something like, 'Well, you should start back at the gym again. Not drinking those cokes would help, too.' What I hear: ' why don't you get off your lazy rear end and start using that gym that we have been wasting our money on. And while you're at it, quit sucking down so many cokes and you might lose a few pounds.' My favorite is when I tell him I am starting a diet on Monday and on Wednesday he asks how my diet is going. It makes me so crazy!! "Why are you asking me that?", I ask.  I know he is just showing genuine interest, but the M&M's I ate while sitting in the car line earlier that day have me consumed with guilt and convinced that some how Robert has discovered my slip up and is now trying to throw it in my face. You see, he's doomed. lol! Even when he gives me a compliment my first thought is "Is he being sarcastic?!" So, bless his confused little heart, he can't win. Ideally,  if I could control his responses it would go a little more like this: When I am at my wits end trying to find something to wear that actually fits and break down and say something to him about how much I hate being this heavy or how I wish I could lose some weight, he would just let me vent,and follow his silence with the appropriate lie... "Oh sweetie, you're wrong about those pants. I love the way those jeans look on you. The way the zipper stops half way up without closing is sexy not hideous!" or " Lose weight?! I think you look amazing! You don't need to lose weight for me, but I want you to feel good so you just do what you feel like you need to. You are still the most beautiful woman in the world to me." Is that so hard? Honesty is important in a relationship, don't get me wrong, but it has NO PLACE in the mouth of a man when it comes to his wife and her struggle with her weight.
   So, I am making a vow to get serious about getting into shape. Not for anyone else, but me. Well, and because I am weak and really do care what other people are thinking about me. I think I have mentioned that before. lol. I'm working on that self confidence though. I think Liz ended up with all of those genes when the egg split. She is so much stronger and more confident than I am.  Give me back my half of the genes, Liz!!
   To make this a little more fun, I thought I would post my new mission for better health on my blog. I am sure that I am not the only one with this goal for the new year. I am trying new even healthier recipes and ideas to get our family more active so it could be fun to share ideas with each other. 
   If you have a great new recipe that you have tried and know is good, share it with us. I will be posting some of the recipes that I try and you can count on them being kid friendly because I have three very picky eaters.  Good luck to all of you working on the same mission.
   Here's a great link to a very helpful website that is FREE:

myfitnesspal.com