picking your battles

   So for the past two days, Nathan has been out of sorts. Very high emotions and sensitive to even the slightest suggestions. It is definitely one of those times where I feel like the tips of my toes aren't going to hold up to all the tip toeing I am doing around him.
   My husband doesn't always understand the idea of picking your battles. I mention in one of my previous posts that Nathan is going through a phase of only wanting to wear red. Last night I was watching Robert and Nathan. They were both sitting next to each other in our recliners. Robert kept looking over at him and finally said, "Nathan, why do you keep wearing red shirts to school? Don't you think the kids at school will start thinking you're wearing the same shirt everyday?" Nathan answered him while never looking away from the t.v. show he was watching and very calmly said, " because the coolest shirts are red. " I hid a laugh as Robert looked at me, obviously not amused by his comment. After trying to explain to Nathan why he needed to wear other colors, I told Robert to let it go cause it was no big deal. He looked shocked that I was so okay with this red shirt obsession. I said , "Robert, I've got bigger fish to fry!" " I don't care if he wears a red shirt for the rest of his life as long as he brushed his teeth and I didn't have to physically drag his red clad body from the car line every morning!"
   It started two mornings ago. Within two minutes of my sweet littlest angels eyes opening, I can get a pretty good assessment of what the day holds for us all. He will rub his eyes as he walks to the bathroom one of two ways...#1. with a sweet sleepy sounding voice as he tells me how much he loves me and gives me a melt your heart smile before getting into the shower. This would be the one we hope for. Or, #2. in the most agitated voice a 7yr old can muster, he explains the entire way to the bathroom why it is so rude that I have woken him up. How he didn't get much sleep last night, and "Stop rushing me, I'm going, I'm going!! Geeeshhh, Mom!"

   As with most kids in the morning, many "updates" are given to speed things along.  "It's now 7am!! If you haven't brushed your teeth or put on deodorant, please do that now."  "We have 10 minutes to leave this house and be on time!" Those are then followed with the individual check ups. This is where I approach each child individually and give the pep talk based on what they have left to do before we can leave. On days like the past two, Nathan sits in the recliner eating his breakfast starring at the t.v. completely immune to all previous updates. Why should he care if we only have 10 minutes to leave, after all, he has decided to stay home today. This immunity is compromised by my check in though and so begins the melt down. What did she just say to me?! Is the look that crosses his face when I tell him again to get up and put on his shoes and brush his teeth. The confusion remains on his slightly angry looking face as he gets up (very dramatically might I add) puts his bowl of oatmeal on the coffee table and turns on me, I mean to me, and begins to explain to me that he isn't going to school or why he isn't brushing his teeth today. So, based on what ever today's unreasonable decision is, I have to begin what I call "The Process".

#1.Reasoning
      a.Doesn't want to go to school:
"Nathan, I know you don't want to go to school because________________... (you don't think you got enough sleep, or because your teacher is mean, or because your friend didn't believe you have super powers, etc...), but it's important to be at school ______________ (so you don't have extra homework, or because you have tests today, or because your friends will miss you if you are not there)."
      b. Doesn't want to brush his teeth:
"Nathan you have to brush your teeth because______________...(you could get cavities and then the dentist will have to fix them with fillings, your teeth will not be as beautiful and white, you will have a bad taste in your mouth)
#2. Fear:
       a. "Nathan if you don't go to school you will have A LOT of homework and you will have to sit at the table and do worksheets for hours and will not have time to play outside or watch t.v."
       b." Nathan if you don't brush your teeth you could end up with gum DISEASE! Then the dentist will have to use his drill to drill into your teeth to make a hole , etc...."
*Not my prouder parenting, but hold on cause it gets much worse...
#3. Down right bullying:
       a." Nathan if you don't get out of the car and go to class I am going to go get the principal and let her get you out!" "That's fine, Nathan, but if you don't go to school today Daddy is going to spank you NOT me and you will be grounded from t.v. for a week"
         b. "Nathan if you don't brush your teeth I'm gonna get my wooden spoon!" " Do you want to have poopy breath all day!" "I mean, Nathan, it smells like something died in your mouth! Is that what you want your classmates to smell all day?" or, my favorite and theirs, too, "Either you brush them or I will!!"
#4. Bribery:
       a. "Okay Nathan, if you go to school today I will have a big surprise waiting on you when you get home!", big goofy smiles and giant eyes pleading with him to accept this amazing offer.  "Nathan, I'll let you eat lunch at school today if you go..." , "Okay, buddy, if you go to school today like a big boy, I'll give you $5!!" , "How about a Redbox movie? You want to go get a redbox movie? All you have to do is get out of the car and go to class..."
*this is the kind of parenting that makes you feel ashamed. You know, questioning yourself and your abilities and wondering when Nathan got the control. It's quite the hopeless feeling and if it weren't for the two older kids that are dream children, I would seriously wonder if I should even be allowed to parent at all! LOL!!
Finally:
#5. Defeat:
       a. "What ever Nathan, I've already told you that doesn't match, but if you want to go to school looking like a homeless child have at it!"
        b. "You know what, Nathan, fine! I give up. Just get your poopy breath in the car cause we are gonna be late." (on the way to school I offer him a piece of fruity gum or mint as if that is as good as brushing! It's funny how it makes me feel so much better though. As if I won. Yes! Now no one will know he didn't brush his teeth cause he spells like peppermint!)
         c. My favorite winter failure: Nathan refusing to wear his coat... "whatever, it's only 36 degrees. It's not that cold. Just get in the car" Or " That's fine Nathan, you can just freeze at school and you'll understand that I was right and it is cold today." Like sending him to school to be cold will prove anything to him, and ultimately the only thing that will come out of my "You'll see" is that we will all see the doctor when he comes down sick!
What can I say, an episode with Nathan can definitely bring out the crazy that so obviously hides with in me. I am reminded of an episode of one of my favorite T.V. shows, THE MIDDLE. Patricia Heaton plays the mom and her character is the mother of three children like myself. A teenage son, a spunky daughter in the middle, and a quirky but loveable son completes the package. One day she is trying to help her youngest son (the quirky one) overcome his fear of crossing bridges. I thought I was going to die from laughter. It was the most real view of motherhood I have ever seen on portrayed on t.v.!!! If you get a chance google it. She looks psycho by the end of the scene. You can just see the turmoil of a mother as you try everything you can think of, even things that make you feel like a terrible mother.
My Nathan may be quirky and strong willed at times, but I would have to say majority of the time he is nothing but love. It's those quirks, too, that make me step outside the normal parenting venue and get creative. Nathan makes me a better parent even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way.
   I am grateful that God thought I could handle being his mom and look forward to laughing at myself in the future when I think about some of the crazy moments I have with him!

Prayers and blessings to all my fellow quirky parents!