GUT THE GUILT!

   My mom used to say I was the guiltiest innocent person she had ever met. I could be completely innocent of the alleged "crime" knowing full well that it was my twin sister Liz that was the culprit and yet have a look on my face that told a different story. My heart would race with fear that I was going to get into trouble and I hadn't even done anything!  While the entire time my sister stood next to me completely relaxed and almost irritated that she is being quizzed about said "crime" at all! 
As hard as I've tried, I have never been able to dump that guilty feeling. So, it is quite easy to make me feel guilty. 
  As a mom of three now, that guilt has become a major handicap! Mom's in general are prone, by nature, to feel guilty about every little thing. It's like the moment the doctor hands you your child in the delivery room a chemical is released in your brain to immediately feel guilty of every decision you make from that second on.  
   For me it began with the hospital nursery. The nurse asked if  I wanted them to take the baby to the nursery so that I could get some rest. YES!!! I'm exhausted lady!! You were there, nurse. Did you see what I just did?! I still feel like I'm starring at someone elses legs, and I'm hoping for a big mac and the largest fries McDonald's make!!  My REAL answer... "No,  I want to keep him in here with me, and is there any way I can get a salad to eat?" It was down hill from there. 
  Guilt is like a prerequisite for mom's. There are very few moms out there that don't suffer from a guilt complex. The ones that don't tend to be looked down on and accused of being "selfish". "Did you know that Jane was off work Friday, but she still took little Johnny to the daycare! Can you even imagine?!"  said perfect mommy #1 "No way! You would think that with her working full time she would want to spend time with little Johnny on her day off." says perfect mommy #2. In reality, alleged selfish mommy is squeezing in Dr. appts. and grocery shopping on her one day off, and it's exhausting  for her thanks to the backpack of guilt she is carrying around while doing those must do errands.
    We try hard to make the right decisions  for our children. We research everything;  food, toys, clothes, and even vehicles. We consult "experts" and books, and  give our parents lengthy talks about how to care for our little angels (their grandchildren) as if they were incapable of caring for a child despite their 30 plus years of experience as parents! Then, we have dinner with another couple that parents completely different from us, and suddenly we are rethinking everything! Our minds are filled with doubt and yes guilt wondering if we've been wrong this whole time.
   Bathroom trips become group activities, and your food becomes their food, too. When we long for a trip to the bathroom just once without someone knocking (if your lucky!)  or to be able to eat cookies from the cabinet without feeling like you should have saved them for the kids, then we feel guilty for wanting those things. We should love having  little guests in the bathroom with us. When they complain about the smell we should not think to ourselves,  "well, no one said you had to be in here for this!" 
   The truth is, that mom's need to have a moment here or there. To be the best mom you can be you need time to refresh and recharge.  Five minutes to step away and hear silence.  A couple of hours to have dinner with some of the girls.  Moments for moms are not just about you, but about the rest of your family as well. If  mom is exhausted or at her wits end, it will ooze into her interactions with everyone. A mom that takes a well deserved (nothing to feel guilty about) moment here or there for herself will reflect that as well. The only difference is that the latter will be more appreciated!
  Last, the biggest source of guilt comes from comparison. We are all guilty of doing this. We are bombarded with books from experts that tell us at what age our child should be doing each milestone. That, combined with mommy's from church, mommy and me groups, or just co-workers, telling us what their little angel is doing compels us to compare. Suddenly our child is on a deadline! Celebrations are held for each milestone that is achieved at the "correct" time.  But, what happens when little Suzy passes the deadline without results?  Dr. appointments are scheduled, and books are reread. What could we have done wrong, or even worse, what could be wrong with little Suzy? Then the excuse is devised. When the other mothers notice that your child isn't walking yet as their perfect specimens hold relay races around the defective child, you offer up "the excuse".  My children all took forever to potty train. At first, it's no big deal, give the other mother's a compliment. "Wow, your child potty trained fast!"  They are so pleased with themselves that they have forgotten all about your sopping wet slacker. Later you just try to hide the fact that they are still not potty trained  by dressing them in ways that disguise the offensive diaper. Finally, you cant take the looks of failure so you  put them in real underwear for the play date at  the Burger King play-land. When Suzy wets a lot  runs past you and your potty training genius mommy friends with a giant wet spot on her hind end, you pray that no one else saw it. Then you come up with an excuse as to why you suddenly have to leave all the while trying to get your soggy pant, deadline breaker, out to the car before anyone notices her pants or a child comes out of the slide announcing the puddle that is undoubtedly sitting somewhere in the maze of  tunnels. Whew! Isn't it just a little ridiculous the hoops we jump through for deadlines someone who doesn't even know your child devised? I finally realized one day that there wasn't gonna be a question  on a college app or job app about when they finally potty trained or a cash prize for meeting the deadline. "Oh, sorry Suzy, we were gonna hire you until we saw that you were not potty trained until you were 3 1/2 years old. " So I made peace with the fact that potty training was not my strong suit and decided to give myself a break. I am happy to say that all three of my kids mastered the bathroom and none of them seem to be scarred in way. I think it's hardest on the mom anyway. I mean my little Suzy wets a lot was completely comfortable and confident that day at the play-land and walked with a huge smile the whole way to the car completely unaware of why we needed to leave that day despite her soggy wet hind end!
   So remember as you wade through all the parenting expectations on us moms, have confidence in your God given ability to parent your little angel out of the overflowing love in your heart. Lean on God and his word for strength, wisdom, and guidance for decisions you have to make. Most of all pray. Pray for you, pray for them.  And take time for you. Gut the guilt from your life.  A little guilt is good. It is the conviction God gives us to help us know when we need to stop and rethink our choices, but unhealthy guilt is not of God and causes us
to become weighted down. 
   Trust God and have faith that with his help, you can be the best mom. And throw perfect out the window.  We are imperfect works of art by God that have been matched with imperfect little blessings-gifts- from God. 

"Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray..."
Psalm 55:17